​

Here's where I’ve struggled most as a professional. Let me know if you relate:

I'm someone who is dead serious about improving the lives of the clients I represent. And I’m sometimes frustrated (or even surprised) by how guarded people can seem when I first meet them. Part of me maintains a naïve expectation that strangers will just “get” that I’m one of the good ones. And sometimes that does happen (which is great, albeit rare).

In most cases, though, potential clients need us to earn their trust over time. That makes sense. And I remind myself it's okay. The depth of the relationships we end up creating with them is usually well worth our investment.

This month is Part Two of our “SWAT Secrets” series on negotiation. We’re sharing Justin Bonina’s strategies for gathering information and building trust. In case you missed Part One, Justin heads the largest regional SWAT negotiation team in Massachusetts. We figure that the strategies that work to bring suicidal people down from literal ledges should be more than good enough to work for the rest of us.

Here are his tips:

Do your homework. Justin doesn’t always have the ability to do extensive research on a hostage subject before a negotiation. And sometimes, you won’t either. If someone walks into your office or open house and wants to talk, you’ll need to be able to build trust on the spot. But if you have the opportunity, try to glean as much about the person in advance as you can. Check their social media profiles. Read anything you can find to get an idea of their personality, background, and interests. What lights them up? What are their pain points? Justin calls these “hooks and triggers,” and you’ll need to figure them out if you want to connect with someone. You’re not making any judgements or assumptions. You’re gathering info and (ideally) finding genuine areas where you might relate.

​

Establish common ground. Imagine a teenage boy who has locked himself in his parents’ basement and fired a gun. Who is better positioned to get him to come back upstairs: the leader of a SWAT team or the boy’s childhood baseball coach? Justin decided it was the coach, who happened to be the local lieutenant who responded to the call. Why?

“I was like, ‘Why would I start a rapport-building phase from scratch where he's talking to a stranger,’ he says, ‘whereas you have built rapport with him over years in a very instrumental part of a young child's life?’”

The takeaway: you’ll have the best results with people who can relate to you on something important to them. Whether it's sports, movies, books, or a shared love for Indian cuisine, it must be authentic to both of you. Never fake it, but do try to find it.

​

Put yourself in their position. In the case of the teenage boy, hours passed with no more gunshots fired, yet the boy still refused to unlock the door. Justin recalls the yells and cries he heard coming from the basement between stretches of silence.

“What would I be thinking as a 17-year-old?" he says he asked himself. "I may have accidentally shot and now I'm really scared because I think that either I'm going to be shot, I'm going to be harmed, or I'm going to jail for a long time.”

Plugging into empathy allowed Justin to identify the hurdle and reassure the teen. Within five minutes, the boy was upstairs at the table sipping a soda and chatting about baseball.

​

Consider appointing a “coach” – and check your ego. It’s easy to have tunnel vision during negotiations, especially when you think you’ve done everything right. You’ve read everything you could find online about this person. You’ve formulated in your mind a picture of who they are, what they need, and what their hesitations might be. You’ve noted all your similarities. You feel prepared with an answer to every objection you’ve already anticipated. But then an actual human being enters the room, with all their nuance and complexity. Leave blanks to fill in together during your conversation. And prepare for the person to surprise you. As a SWAT team leader, Justin is usually the primary negotiator. But alongside him is someone called a “coach.” This is a secondary negotiator whose role is to listen and step in if the rapport with Justin isn’t quite there. A coach can provide subtle direction, support, and guidance – and shed light on blind spots in the moment. For you, it might be a colleague who joins you on a sales call, or a mentor you debrief with after a meeting.

​

Your Homework: Think about who you can take with you on your next appointment as a “coach” to help an important negotiation stay on track. How does that idea make you feel? We’d love to hear your thoughts.

If you enjoyed reading this, please consider forwarding it to a friend. We truly appreciate each one of our readers and subscribers. Thank you!

This is Part Two of our series on negotiation. Next month, get ready for Justin’s SWAT-level strategies for overcoming objections.

If you’re interested in working with Justin to become better at applying these ideas, check out his company, Central Negotiations.

​

Here's to your success,

Not subscribed? Feed your black sheep here.

THE RUIZ GROUP
of Keller Williams Realty

Led by Pete Ruiz, REALTOR®​
DRE: 01974535