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When you hear the word “negotiation,” what comes to mind? For some of us (or maybe just me), it’s a mental movie from the ‘80s or ‘90s: pinstripe-clad executives pounding their fists on sleek boardroom tables covered with paper, the air thick with rancor and the scent of stale coffee.

But chances are, if you work with human beings (or even just live with them), you already know what it means to negotiate.

The question is: how well can you do it?

We recently sat down with Justin Bonina, head of the largest regional SWAT negotiation team in Massachusetts. He handles every kind of crisis and hostage situation across 75 unique communities. He also teaches negotiation tactics and runs a company that helps private-sector teams succeed using SWAT-tested strategies.

In leading his SWAT team, Justin comes face-to-face with all varieties of troubled people. From suicidal individuals and vulnerable teens to repeat offenders and dangerous criminals, he has seen it all.

His are negotiations in which the stakes truly don’t get higher. So, when we as a real estate team had a chance to learn from Justin, we listened closely. No matter your role, you’ll find his insights worth applying.

Here are the three essential steps Justin observes and follows in each one of his hostage or crisis negotiations. Let us know if any feel familiar to you:

Information-Gathering

When Justin arrives at a scene, he often knows nothing about the people involved. In one case, a man was threatening to jump off a bridge. Before Justin could negotiate the man’s safe return to solid ground, he needed to know what brought him to the bridge in the first place.

Why did the man feel he wanted to harm himself? Did he have family? What did he care about most? What were his circumstances? His pain points?

Answers to questions of this nature reveal what Justin calls a person’s “hooks and triggers.” These are the motivations and hot buttons that shape decisions. In any negotiation, big or small, you’ll want to uncover these about the person facing you.

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Trust-Building

It’s simple. People won’t listen to anything you have to say (or do what you suggest) unless they trust you. For Justin (and for the rest of us) earning trust starts with honesty and directness.

“If you’re open and honest upfront,” he says, “that’s really impactful. When you go forward with the negotiation, they’re going to look back on it and say, ‘Alright, throughout this whole process, this person was not lying… At every point, they were honest.’ Rapport-wise, that honesty is really important.”

Building trust also takes active listening — and time. Intense emotion lowers a person’s ability to think clearly. Time closes the gap between emotionality and rationality. The ticking clock gives you an opportunity to show the person on the other end that you’re human, too, and you mean well.

Justin says his average SWAT negotiation lasts four to six hours. In your sphere, the timeline might be months (or more). Just remember it’s normal not to get results instantly. Focus on the relationship you’re cultivating with the person in front of you.

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Behavioral Change

This is the endgame of any negotiation. The person steps down from the bridge. The scared teen with a gun unlocks the door. The criminal walks out and surrenders.

In your world, perhaps you sign a contract with a new client, get the green light on a price adjustment, or convince your partner to choose Europe over Hawaii for your next trip.

This is an outcome you earn when you’ve navigated the first two steps with tact and empathy.

Justin’s work shows us something fascinating: whether your situation is extreme or mundane, the same core rules of negotiation apply.

Your Homework: This month, practice learning as much as you can from someone you don’t know well. Role-play with a colleague, or strike up a conversation with your barista, the person in line at the grocery store, or a fellow dog-walker. Get curious about their world. Ask open-ended questions. Lead with empathy. And most importantly — listen.

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This is Part One of our series on negotiation. In the coming months, we’ll break down information-gathering and trust-building even further. We’ll also share Justin’s SWAT-level strategies for overcoming objections. You won’t want to miss it.

If you’re interested in working with Justin to become better at applying these principles, check out his company, Central Negotiations.

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THE RUIZ GROUP
of Keller Williams Realty

Led by Pete Ruiz, REALTOR®​
DRE: 01974535