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Talking to people terrifies me.

I suppose that’s not entirely true. More accurately, the anticipation of talking with strangers makes me anxious.

When I’m hosting an open house and see people pulling into the driveway, I feel my stomach drop. My heart rate jumps. I suddenly feel I'm standing alone on a dark, empty stage, with the curtain about to rise and the spotlights seconds from flashing on.

I don’t know how normal this is, especially in real estate. And not everyone will relate to the weird and specific ways my own anxiety manifests. But what I know for sure is that fear and anxiety are similarly at play in all the unique struggles my friends and colleagues bring to the table. From procrastination and paralyzing perfectionism to overthinking and oversharing, so many of our personal and professional roadblocks, when stripped down, reveal themselves to be simple fear.

Fear of what? The answer will be personal to each of us. For many, it’s a fear of rejection – of perceived failure or awkwardness. A fear of doing all the right things and still hearing, “no.”

This month, we’re wrapping up our “SWAT Secrets” series on negotiation. We’re sharing Justin Bonina’s strategies for overcoming objections. Let’s be clear: nothing can (or should) save us from having to hear “no” occasionally. A true advocate can accept an honest “no” with grace. But having some strategies for getting beyond someone’s surface-level, knee-jerk “no” can pave the way for deep, mutually rewarding relationships. Getting good at these techniques will also help quiet the fears that keep you from taking consistent, confident action toward your goals.

Here is Justin's DREAM framework.

Picture this: Someone with serious charges has barricaded himself in a house. A repeat offender, he refuses to come out. His objection is simple: “I don’t want to go back to jail.” Based on what Justin knows about the individual, he will use one of the following five strategies.

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D = Deflect

Justin: “We’re not going to talk about jail right now. I heard that you’ve been in there for several hours. I just want to make sure that you’re okay medically. I want to make sure that you don’t need any food, any water.”

Takeaway: Sometimes an objection comes from tunnel vision – a magnification of one fearful idea that crowds out everything else. A deflection temporarily draws focus away from the specific fixation and toward other, more immediate needs. That shift gives perspective and invites the person to step out of "fear mode" long enough to build trust.

R = Reality Check

Justin: “Well, you are going back to jail tonight. That’s the reality. There’s very serious charges here. You know, I’m not here to lie to you. I’m not here to sugarcoat anything. You are going back to jail.”

Takeaway: This one comes up often in our world of real estate. Think about sellers of expired and cancelled listings. These are people who, to their own detriment, have typically been told exactly what they wanted to hear. By the time they get to us, they are in dire need of some unvarnished truth-telling about the market value or presentation of their homes. It sounds simple, but people truly do appreciate honesty. When they can tell you’re acting in their best interest, the truth will only enhance your credibility.

E = Emotional Response

Justin: “You’re really nervous to go back, and I want to hear more about that. What was your past experience with jail?”

Takeaway: Use an objection to deepen the relationship. Get curious about the person’s experience. Empathy is key here. Let them know you see and hear them.

A = Active Listening Skills

This is the foundation of every negotiation. Whatever strategy you use, active listening must be part of it. Many of us listen to respond, which wastes the mental energy we could otherwise use to fully understand someone’s words and feelings. Active listening is called such because it requires us to actively participate in grasping someone’s message through emotional labeling, open-ended questions, or restating their idea in your own words. Hint: this is almost ALWAYS a good idea in personal relationships, too.

M = Minimize

Justin: “Look, we don’t want this situation to escalate any more than it is right now. It’s a simple domestic assault and battery. It’s a misdemeanor. You’re going to have the ability to get bail shortly.”

Takeaway: To minimize is to lower the temperature by putting someone’s objection in a frame that feels more palatable to them. It is not minimizing the person’s feelings. It is reframing the situation so the person can see a less catastrophic outcome.

Your homework: Get a piece of paper and jot down the names of five people you know. For each person, ask yourself, “If I were negotiating with this person, which DREAM technique would fit best, given what I know about their background, current circumstances, personality, and values?” After you answer, reflect on why you chose that technique. Try using one of the approaches this week, and notice how it changes your conversations (in ways both expected and not)!

If you enjoyed reading this, please consider forwarding it to a friend. We truly appreciate each one of our readers and subscribers. Thank you for being here!

If you’re interested in working with Justin to become better at applying these ideas, check out his company, Central Negotiations.

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THE RUIZ GROUP
of Keller Williams Realty

Led by Pete Ruiz, REALTOR®​
DRE: 01974535